“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all yours ways submit to Him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).
A lot of times, I don’t understand God. I just don’t. But He’s constantly reminding me that He knows better than I do. Apparently, I just have a thick skull and it’s something that I have to keep learning over, and over, and over again. But I know I’ll probably forget again. Kid analogies always make sense to me because I connect with the Fatherhood of God more than any other aspect of Him. If a kid is hungry, he likely starts begging his parent for food. Oftentimes it’s not mealtime yet, so the parent says “No” or “Not right now”. Presumably, this kid has lived with his parents his whole life, and more than likely, his parents have fed him every meal. However, when it’s mealtime, he doubts. In that moment, he’s hungry and his parents aren’t feeding him, and in his head, his parents could just look like big ol’ meanie heads that are refusing him food. He doesn’t understand why he’s not getting food, and he’s forgotten that his parents have given him food all his life, so why would this time be any different? And for some kids, even after explaining to them why they’re not getting food, they still might not understand. And I think for parents, that would be frustrating.
I think God does the same thing to us to an extent. There are things that have happened in my life, things that are happening in my life that, frankly, don’t make a whole lot of sense. And there was a time when I viewed God as a big ol’ meanie head for not letting me do something or for making something happen, or allowing something to happen (or however all that works; I’m not completely sure). I just didn’t understand what the heck He was doing and why He was doing it. And if I was completely honest with myself, I would say that I can still slip into that mindset sometimes. I’m so forgetful. But looking back at some of the things I was previously angry or confused about, I can see how He has weaved it into an incredible story that demonstrates His goodness and His faithfulness. Every time I think back and realize how faithful He is, I simultaneously realize how much of an idiot I am. I guess I’m not an idiot in relation to the rest of humanity (some may beg to differ), but in relation to God, I’m an idiot. Too often I get to questioning His reasoning, questioning His plan, questioning His faithfulness, when really all I have to do is trust. Trust that He knows better. Trust that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). Trust and remember that He’s faithful. I don’t need to see the whole picture because, even if I did, I probably still wouldn’t understand. So no, I still don’t understand God. But if my faith was contingent on what I didn’t understand about Him, I’d be one hot mess. I know that He’s good. And I know that He’s faithful. I’ve seen that, and I’ve experienced that enough times to know that’s true. And that’s good enough for me to cling to, and I can deal with everything else.
This was all more for me than for anyone else. I tend to process better after I write things out like this. But if someone else is encouraged or sees him- or herself in anything that I wrote, then that’s cool too.